


February 4th

by orphan_account



Category: K-pop, Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Guilt, Heavy Angst, Insomniac Bang Chan, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, i actually feel kinda bad for it but it's important for the plot, i don't know if someone's actually gonna die okay, i suck at slow burn, well im trying, yes i had to
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2020-07-11 15:33:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19930375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Their relationship was like Ying and Yan. They cared so much on the outside that they didn't realize they were destroying eachother from inside.





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> this is kind of like an intro or smth i guess cuz i've been writing on this for quite a while but yeah i sUCK at slow burn so this'll have lots of short#ish chapters and i really hope it won't get too boring!!

It was late when Woojin entered the apartment he shared with his boyfriend but not late enough. He knew his boyfriend's habit of not sleeping before two in the morning and he hated it. One, because it really couldn't be healthy and he just kept worrying about him and two, he never got actual privacy at home. Chan wasn't exactly clingy or annoying, not at all, but sometimes also Woojin needed some time for himself. Time Chan usually got in the middle of the night when he was already asleep.

»You're late, Hyung.« The Australian said as he left the kitchen with a steaming cup in his hands.

»Yeah. Sorry. You're still up, too, though.«

»Well, it's not that late. Not late for me but too late for you.« He went over to the brown haired male and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

»I'm older than you, Chan. You're the one who should get more sleep.«

»Yeah, whatever. I'll finish my milk, will you shower with me after that?« Woojin bit on his bottom lip before he could agree and get himself in trouble. He appreciated Chan's effort to try to actually get some more sleep, hot milk and warm showers always helped him fall asleep, but he couldn't join him.

»No, sorry. I showered in the gym and I'm super tired. As you said; it's pretty late for me.« Chan nodded and sipped his milk, obviously burning his lips in the process. Woojin chuckled and kissed the younger boy, liking over his lips as if he wanted to cool them after getting burned.

»Do you do that with all you patients, Doctor Kim?« Chan asked with a grin on his face that made Woojin make a face of pure disgust.

»Christopher Bang, you know damn well I treat little children! Don't say- Don't even think about something like that. Ew.« Chan laughed, that beautiful, lovely laugh, then poked his boyfriend's side.

»I'm sorry, Woojinnie. I do have a friend whose boyfriend is almost ten years younger than him, though.«

»And that's alright, because at some point you just reach a level of maturity where age doesn't really matter anymore but the kids I treat are barely older than ten! So no. Still ew. You should finish your milk and take a shower. I will wait in the bed.«

»Will it be a waste of time for me to even get dressed after the shower?«

»I'm tired, Chan! Good night.« With that Woojin fled to their bedroom while Chan giggled in the living room, finishing his still hot milk. The older put his bag next to the door and sighed as he collapsed on the bed. It was so warm and cuddly and smelled like Chan and just... home. He got up after he heard the shower starting in the bathroom next door and changed into his silky, dark red pajama. He still felt bad for what he had done, bad for not talking to his own boyfriend, who loved him so much, bad for letting him shower alone. He just didn't want to worry him and put more pressure on his precious mind. Chan always tried to make everyone happy but Woojin knew that he already did everything he could to make his boyfriend happy, yet it didn't work completely. Sure, it would be much worse without Chan but Woojin knew the younger wouldn't see that part. He would only see himself as a failure for not being able to make Woojin perfectly happy but it wasn't his fault. The older himself didn't even know why he was feeling the things he felt, thinking the things he thought, doing the things he did. He sighed and crawled under the big blanket, making sure he was warm when Chan came back from his shower.

A few minutes later mentioned boy entered the bedroom dressed in only his boxershorts, his naturally curly hair looking even more fluffy now that he had washed and dried it.

»You really look like a baby lion.« Woojin said with a lovely smile on his face and Chan chuckled.

»And you look like a baby bear, Woojinnie.« The blonde boy got on the bed next to him and pulled the blanket over his half naked body, cuddling his personal teddy bear.

»You're so warm.« The younger sighed and Woojin could smell the shampoo he had washed his hair with.

»You're hot.« Chan laughed and looked up at his boyfriend.

»Actually, I think you're hotter, Hyung.« He let his hand wander down the older's waist but Woojin gently pushed his hand away.

»Thank you, baby, but I'm really tired. I'm sorry. Can we just sleep for now?« Chan nodded and cuddled his head on the taller's chest.

»I love you, Woojinnie. You know that, right?«

»Of course. I love you, too. So much.« He kissed the boy's head and held him close, enjoying his warmth and nice scent. He'd love to get a perfume of Chan's body scent, with or without sweat or shampoo, he always liked it. To him it was like different flavors of popcorn. Sometimes it was just the normal Chan-scent he was used to, sometimes sweet, sometimes salty, but he loved everything because it was still popcorn, still Chan, still his precious, beautiful boyfriend.


	2. X

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things get serious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want to publish this chapter so soon because there's a lot missing in the story between the first chapter and this one, thats why it's called chapter x and it's terribly written but I just really need to get this off of me. Thx.

»Woojin.«

»Oh, hey Chan.«

»Show me your thighs.«

»I really don't-«

»Show me!«

»No.«

»So you did? Because otherwise I don't know what you're hiding.«

»I just don't want to take my jeans off right now, okay!«

»Do not lie to me, Kim Woojin. I'm begging.« Suddenly he sounded so young and broken, like the sick children when he asked if they needed something and all they wanted was to see their parents or pets. It broke Woojin's heart.

»Okay, yes, I did it again. I'm sorry. I can't-«

Chan closed his eyes, took a deep breath and stepped aside to grab one of the big knives they had in the kitchen. He had mentioned before that he liked that specific knife a lot. It was black with that metallic oily blade that had such pretty colors in the right light. He stared at his boyfriend and pressed the blade on his arm.

»Do it. Hurt me. Don't fucking hurt yourself! If you want to hurt someone, hurt me!« Woojin's breath hitched and he held his hands up out of reflex, immediately yelling at him to drop the knife out of panic. Maybe he wouldn't have yelled if he wasn't so fucking scared. He could see Chan's jaw tightening.

»Do it. I won't fucking watch you hurting yourself anymore!« The younger grabbed Woojin's hand and pressed it on the knife.

»Chan, no! Stop it! Stop!«

»Why? So you can keep hurting yourself? Just say it's my fault! I'm sorry I can't make you happy! I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you but don't let it out on yourself!« They were both crying, sobbing, hardly even able to breathe properly. Woojin's grip on the knife tightened and he tried all he could to pull it away without cutting his boyfriend, who pressed the older's hand down so the knife pressed in his skin. Woojin couldn't think, his mind was filled with nothing but fear and panic. He would rather kill his own pet than hurting Chan even the tiniest bit but he had already failed. Chan was hurt and it was his fault. He dropped on the floor and pressed his palms on his wet eyes.

»Stop it, stop it, stop it! Just stop, Chan! I'm sorry!«

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me your thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> please try to drop your thoughts on this! everything could inspire me to write something which means the capters hopefully won't be boring af and/or only posted in month-gaps! and ofc feedback is always appreciated!


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